The Secret to Success

If you read no other posts, read this one. I am about to share with you the one most important piece of wisdom I have obtained in my 45 years of life. There is only one thing you need to succeed in any endeavor (granted some endeavors may require a special genetic talent). With it, you can accomplish great things. Without it, all you can do is dream, or worse yet, watch life pass you by.

Here it is. One word. "M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N". Oh, you say. There's nothing magical or special about that. Well, I am here to tell you, there is. You can give it other labels like "drive" or "determination", but I think the original version sums it up best. Motivation is the only thing that can give you the strength to resist temptations, the courage to brave the difficult or scary challenge, and the resolve to not accept failure. It helps you focus (another very important word) on your goals. Motivation will spur you to action like no other feeling around. Motivation gives you the strength to educate yourself, set a goal, make a plan, and most importantly take action on that plan. If you fail at your attempt, but still possess your motivation, you have the tools necessary to reevaluate, re-educate and repeat the effort.

But motivation can be a very tricky sort of feeling. One day it's there, and the next day it's gone. You lose interest in one goal and are distracted by something else. Motivation has a life of its own and like any life-form, needs to be fed and nurtured. Motivation can pop up out of the blue. It's like a little fire burning. First, you have to feed it some kindling. Then you have to find some small twigs. Then, to get it really going, you are gonna have to give it some logs and keep putting more and more logs on over and over. The minute you give up, the flame starts to die, and you can easily find yourself back at the same place you started.

Realizing that motivation is the secret ingredient in any successful undertaking, is not really enough to get us anywhere. Most people understand this intuitively, while they may not give it much thought. Even getting that first spark can be simple enough. You just have to focus on what you want to change and think about all the reasons why you should do it. It only takes a jiffy to get that spark started. That's the easy part. The real trick is in finding the right fuel or food to feed that motivation. For every person, this is different. Sometimes, it's desperation. You want something so bad, that you actually DO something about it. Other times, it's the promise of a reward at the end of a journey (be careful with this one). Dreams can be a motivator as well. That first step is the easy one. It's the second and third and fourth step that require overwhelming effort (with no visible success). That's where "planning" comes in.

Success is no accident. You don't just accidentally wake up and realize that you've lost 100 pounds or earned a college degree or landed your dream job. You work hard through struggles and challenges and periods of no reward. Why do you work hard? Because you are motivated. How did you become motivated? How did you maintain your motivation? Unfortunately, those are the processes that are unique to each individual. The answer to this question could fill up a whole book. Part of it is just "phsyc-ing" yourself up. You know that you going to encounter plateaus, challenges, and mini-failures, but you have planned for these events. You act upon your plans. You focus upon your goals. You have a secret bag of tools that you saved for just this occasion. You assess the situation and determine which tool will work for the situation you are in. For example, you may be on the 4th week of a diet. Maybe you haven't lost any weight in 10 days. Maybe you haven't lost enough to motivate you to continue. Maybe, it's your birthday or it's Thanksgiving or you just feel sick and don't care. Maybe your spouse is unsupportive and undermining your efforts. There's an overwhelming set of circumstances that are distracting you from your goal.

So here is what has worked for me on occasion to get past the hurdle. Keep in mind that whatever technique works one day will NOT work another day. You have to plan for multiple approaches.

Re-focus on the original goals that sparked the intitial motivation. Spend some time thinking about why those goals are important to you. Think about how you would feel if you never reach those goals. Think about how you will feel if you blow it now. Will it feel good for a minute? How will the next 59 minutes feel after that? Think about how much easier it is to avoid this particular distraction/temptation than it is to overcome the feelings of failure and try to start over. For example, one of my goals might be to take my daughters skiing next winter. How important is that goal? If instant gratification is more important, than I may need to rethink my goals. Maybe living longer and healthier is one of my goals. This one is too easy to put off for another month or year. You need to set specific goals with timelines. Perhaps you want to get into a specific outfit for a specific occassion. Pair that goal with wanting to be healthier and some other specific goals and together, they might be enough to fuel the temporary motivation needed to get past the current hurdle. These examples are specific to my personal weight loss, but you can use the same process for any endeavor you are undertaking.

Sometimes you cannot just "think" your way back to motivation. In this case, I think it's OK to bribe yourself. Offer up some other form of reward for sticking to your plan. Maybe it's a nice soak in a bubble bath. Maybe it's a special magazine for leisure reading, even a health magazine to help spur that motivation. Perhaps you can coax yourself into some exercise. A good workout can give you some amazingly positive feelings and fuel the motivation.

If it's about food and you're feeling deprived, plan in a special treat and compensate in other areas. If you are craving sweets, pick something that you will find satisfying, but that isn't off-the-charts (like a whole chocolate cake). On my birthday, I went out for Sunday brunch. I was so excited to be able to eat whatever I wanted (NOT how much I wanted). I passed by all the croissants, pastries, enchiladas, sausages and pancakes for the item I wanted the most, an omlette. I got by with almost no cheese and lots of veggies. I added a small side of garlic mashed potatoes and I felt like I had totally splurged. I even gave 1/3rd of the omlette to my husband and I was still satisfied. Later that evening, I had a very small portion of dinner so that I could indulge in a wonderful slice of chocolate cake with cherry filling. Surprisingly, I think I managed to stay under my 1500 cal/day goal and I had a wonderful birthday. I don't recommend eating like this every day as there are healthier choices than chocolate cake, but I managed to splurge and stay on track at the same time. I think it would have been OK to have even a few more calories, since it was my birthday. But for this time, I felt like I could maintain my motivation better if I stuck to my plan.

In summary, the key to keeping your motivation is to plan for its waning. You have to have a variety of options that will work for you in different circumstances. Each person's motivations are unique and they change with time. I cannot tell you what will motivate you, but I bet you already have a few ideas of your own. Take those ideas, focus on them and build them. Repeat this process frequently. Eventually, the successes you build will become their own motivation.